Went off and bought a car today. A brand new spanking Honda Civic loaded. How do I feel ? Acually amazed as life and money and credit have been problems throughout my life both in and out of sobriety. What does this mean...maybe that I am doing something right in my program life? I hope so......what is really key is that at this time 23 years ago I was living in a park on the north side of Chicago. I was at the bottom and was no longer able to drive in someone elses car, let alone my own. I look at my drive tonight and there are four cars in it and I wonder how it happened? What happened was that I surrendered, I went to meetings, I talked to my sponsor, I prayed, I sponsored people and as a result I grew up. The rest is contained in these incredible words and for that I am wonderfully grateful:

A Chicago jury that included daytime gabber-diva-princess-rich lady-spirit rememberer Oprah Winfrey has returned a guilty verdict in the murder case of 27-year old Dion Coleman.

Oh-o-whoa-o-Oprah is now developing a “Very Special Show” next week, “in which she'll bring along her fellow jurors, one of whom described being with Winfrey as ‘a lot of fun; it was like being on her show.’" Oh my god, I always thought that serving on a murder trial would be just like watching a Jennifer Aniston interview! What state is this? Ugogirl?

Winfrey told reporters outside the courthouse, "I think it was an eye-opener for all of us. It's a huge reality check; there's a whole other world going on out there…When your life intersects with others in this way, it is forever changed."

Right on, right on.

I just hope the other jurors received mommy makeovers, Kiehl's gift boxes, caramel popcorn and defrosted hamburger buns saturated with maple syrup.

I am very moved to say to you that I have
understood well the other evening that you had
an insane desire to always make me
to dance. I have the memory of your
to kiss and I would like well that it is
the one proof that I can be loved
by you. I am ready A to show my
affection all desinteressee and without cal
bottom, and if you want to see me too
you to reveal without artifice my heart
very naked, come to make me a visit.
We will cause as friends, frankly.
I will prove to you that I am the woman
sincere, able to offer the affection to you
deepest like narrowest
in friendship, a word the best proof
that you can dream, since your
heart is free. Think that loneliness where I ha
cock is quite long, well lasts and often
difficult. Thus, while thinking I have the heart of it
gross. Thus run quickly and come me
to make forget by the love or I want
to put.

Romantic, not...?

Now, this letter of George Sand reads again but
while jumping a line each time...

With is there...?


Alfred de Musset hastened to answer:

When I put has your feet an eternal homage,
Do you want that one moment I change face?
You have capture the feelings of a heart
That to adore you the Creator formed.
I cherished you, love, and my feather is delirious about it
On paper sleeps what I do not dare statement.
Carefully of my worms read the first words:
You will know which remedy to bring has my evils.

But here, you must read only the first words of each line...

Y were not bored at that time, what...?

Good Wouala, 3rd finished for today, will give you later my news...

If t-piece knows...

Biz...

hating saturdays

i wish i had an excuse to skip my pathetic film production class. it's been funny so far with classmates arguing and the teacher failing to moderate such futile discussions he deliberately incites to avoid exposing the fact that he has nothing to teach. it's a harmless class where you know you're better off learning on your own. it's a waste of tuition fee and a saturday afternoon. it's my cal nightmare all over again.

this is the first time in years that i'm going through fever without the usual colds and cough. but there is nausea, and i am just praying to god that it doesn't turn into vertigo again. i don't want to take in stupid medication (i.e. serc) that makes my ears pop whenever i make sudden head movements. i hate the feeling of ears popping. i missed keia's (kalon's baby) christening. which is sad because it was a reunion of sorts for old ateneo friends. on the bright side, i missed film class too, and the tiring ordeal of having to sit through w.g. griffith's "birth of a nation" all over again. i watched this film once, and that was more than enough for me. i can't sit through 3 hours and 7 minutes of american propaganda disenfranchising placid concepts of democracy. i have a pamamanhikan to go to tomorrow, though i am not sure if i will make it. should i call my now or wait the last minute because i might make it anyway? anyhow, staring at the computer monitor makes me feel dizzy. i am beginning to see double. the keyboard seems to get smaller the longer i stare at it. and my fingers--fatter!!! that can't be right, last time i checked i'm certain i was losing weight. i'm contemplating two things: should i make my own starstruck web site? or should i hit the sack?

starstruck nostalgiai felt good and bad to see startstruck off. i liked the winners--jennelyn mercado and mark herras--and i enjoyed seeing that pathetic f4 wannabe lose. the nice thing about these winners is they proved--even for the 2 hours spent on stage--that they deserve it. they simply stood out, jennelyn didn't commit the same mistake as yasmien who thought she could hit the high notes. and mark simply outdanced rainier. i also felt bad it was over. it was a short-lived affair, and good for gma for not extending a successful pilot season into a telenovela of sorts. (remember star in a million? it produced singers whom sarah geronimo devoured completely in sharon and sour sports who don't deserved to be hired for any project) for a couch potato like me, i have to excise faith even on the campiest of things just to get a sense of myself. what is it with starstruck that makes me grasp myself more? i guess the momentary pause of thinking what life i should plan for myself if fpj wins the elections is what i appreciate the most. instead of looking at the crazy politicians, i'd rather look at crazy teenagers. at least they have a better, more earnest dream compared to fpj and the entire lot of politicos who fuck up my life.

hating the word compromise so what have i gotten out of this momentary reprieve?i will update it as soon as i get more pictures that will describe the nuances of what i aspire for. if you're clueless as to what this is about, well let's just say that it's one of the few more representable compromises i am forced to consider as i try to make something of the inexplicable losses in my life. i am trying to get used to the word compromise since it seems the only natural thing to do when one grows old and loses faith for all those things that should matter. everyone around me who matter hates me for exploiting that word. i feel cruel ascribing everything to it, but what else can you call the sad sad things we do because we are left with hollow choices? the funny thing about this wallpaper, it isn't even a compromise, it's still an unrealized dream. i never imagined myself making compromises even in the loadful of things--material or immaterial--i long for